Republicans Backpedal On Budget Plan

As Republicans reap the whirlwind from the Paul Ryan budget, a clever poltical strategy has been devised. They now claim that they had always regarded the unpopular legislation as little more than a "test" to gauge public opinion. The latest polls reveal that only twenty-three percent of Americans are in favor of the radical plan.  Thus, Speaker of  the House John Boehner, in order to avoid a political catastrophe, is saying that the test will be graded "on a curve."

Computer Blamed For President's Codename

It was revealed that the codename assigned to President Obama in his recent visit to the U.K. was not befitting a person of his stature. According to British authoritiies, a computer had randomly selected one that roughly translates as "smart-alec". When the computer was asked to comment on the blunder, it replied that, since the wedding, everybody was fed up with all the pomp and circumstance and were badly in need of some diplomatic high jinx.

President O'Bama Visits Ireland

The purpose of President Obama's recent visit to the United Kingdom was to bolster diplomatic relations and to visit Moneygall, Ireland, the tiny hometown of his great-great-great grandfather.  As expected, when the President revealed that his distant ancestor had been a White man of European descent, congressional Republicans immediately demanded to see his birth certificate as well. 

Life On Earth Goes On

The countless doomsayers who predicted the end of the world are not surprised that their dire predictions proved to be false. In a press conference scheduled for the day after the world was supposed to end, just in case it didn't, a would be "prophet of doom" explained: "Your enthusiastic response to this crisis has convinced the forces of death and destruction that we are fully capable of doing the job ourselves.  Just in case, they will be checking up on us once a year to monitor our progress.  So please give accordingly and remember, your donations are strictly confidential."

The New Democrat Party

Since the election of President Obama, the Republicans have gotten into the habit of referring to their rivals as the Democrat Party. Speaker of the House John Boehner, choking back tears, has said that the name,   "Democratic", causes the American people to be confused about who is really watching out for their best interests. When pressed further, he explained that "Democratic" is an adjective, which is misleading to the vast majority of his constituents who are still working on their nouns.

Trump Drops Presidential Bid

Now that his television show has been picked up by NBC for another season, Donald Trump has cut short his political career, as predicted.  When asked at his final press conference how he now sees the presidential race, he replied, "I have always gotten along fine with black people but in a position of this importance, I would still prefer a white one."

Royal Wedding Gown Gets Special Treatment

Following last week's glamorous and momentous royal wedding, an enraptured public was thrilled to learn that the bride-to-be's wedding gown had been given its own suite at the exclusive hotel where the royals stayed the night before the ceremony. It was revealed by the hotel staff that the future Duchesses' breakfast menu included items from the cereal, dairy and fruit groups. In contrast, the gown's diet was mostly starch.